Rescue Me: A Powerful Memoir by an Olympian - Paperback

by Katherine Starr (Author)

I was born Annabelle Cripps in the USA, to two British parents who immigrated to the States. My family settled in Madison, Wisconsin, where my father, a doctor, was head of the dermatology department, as well as an accomplished athlete in his youth. I moved from Madison to Great Britain at 11 years old to pursue my Olympic dreams and follow in my father's footsteps or surpass the accomplishments that he had made in swimming for himself. I competed on two Olympic teams for Great Britain. During the course of my career I returned to the States to attend the University of Texas at Austin, where we earned three NCAA team championships and a second place finish title my senior year.

After the end of my athletic career, I followed a path of self-destruction, losing all connection to life in a meaningful way. At 14 years old I was raped by my coach and held that secret pain inside of me, not telling a soul. I had given up on life and saw no reason to live; I was just barely showing up at times because I didn't have the courage to kill myself. I was so disconnected and so afraid to find joy in my life again. I had given my spirit away as a young girl when I started swimming competitively; I gave my power to my coaches while losing my ability to speak up.

I would spend almost ten years in dark despair, until I found my way to sobriety. And that was just the beginning of my healing process; I was so broken that I spent many years in suicidal ideation from the pain and shame of the past. But I kept searching and seeking the truth. Why had God placed so much misery into my life? There had to be a reason and a purpose. I was about to find out. After going on a spiritual trip to India I had an awakening when I rolled my car, just skirting death. I was needed and wanted. I became aware and conscious of my responsibility. After that almost fatal accident I thought hard and deep about my life, my choices, and many sublime moments where I knew I was experiencing God, although I still didn't know exactly what my path and purpose was.

I felt drawn to change my name and become the person I was meant to be. It was then that I became Katherine Starr. While the pain of Annabelle has never left me, my mission in life is to speak for those who are suffering in silence. I now advocate for athletes to have a voice and I have spoken around the world to address the issue of coach-athlete sexual abuse.

However, there was something missing in my journey, and that was me. The joint that held my reconstructed shoulder fell apart and it wasn't until I started training with elite trainer Peter Park, that I started to have a different training expereince a corrective one. I had the ability to break the praise, attention, and recognition cycle that had driven me and plagued me my whole life. I didn't need to be married to misery and victimhood. I could live in integrity and truth. I could rescue myself.

It's when I look back that I see so many people who came into my life to guide me, heal me, and help me find my way to a higher-self, and that I disconnected from them when I took wrongful ownership of my talents and gifts in life. Only when I was able to see a different story from what I was telling myself did I understand the path that I created and wanted to heal from. I didn't need to win a medal, perform in an event, or have anyone cheer me on. I could just be.

I'm writing this book for everyone searching to find themselves. For everyone who is struggling to find meaning and purpose after trauma, tragedy, and disappointment. Perhaps you will be moved to forgive that old enemy like I did or perhaps you will open up your heart and listen to what you've known to be true all along. And maybe you'll be entertained too. I've lived a pretty amazing fucking life. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share it with you.