Perfectionism: An Imperfect Musing on the Shame of Not Being a Magician Who Could Do the Impossible - Hardcover

by Loran Joly (Author)

Are we perfectionists?

We hear the word so often. Along with terms such as "detail-oriented" and "obsessing".

On the other hand, how many of us have tried not to do our best at something, lest we then self-label ourselves as perfectionists, and put out far less than a desirable performance or achievement?

This book attempts to discuss perfectionism as an issue of catastrophizing a less than "perfect" outcome: the author discusses his view that we might be catastrophizing the experience of feeling shame over not being able to do the impossible: the achieving of Perfection.

Might we consider that everything is already perfect, at any given time? That we all have in fact "done the best we can", at any point in time, given the resources and constraints upon us? But that tomorrow might bring improvements?

This idea comes particularly from Buddhist thought, as well as in AA circles: the author ran across these phrases and tweaked them some, after having spent one hundred sessions in mindfulness meditation, and more recently, having visited a Buddhist monastery four times. Additionally, the idea is repeated in AA meetings, which he attended in five different locations, albeit not as an "alcoholic".

Furthermore, this book discusses a view on why parents, in particular, might inadvertantly "encourage" a child to pursue something "perfectionistically" what is in it, thus, for the parent?

Finally, if not pursuing something in "perfectionistic" fashion to avoid shame, what other reason is there to do great work?

How about pursuing something in iterative fashion?

The author is a West Point graduate who was once pre-med there, and then switched to electrical engineering for his main studies, because he thought it would be "fun", like his time spent doing ham radio as a youth: boy, was he in for a surprise!

Later, at age 41, he embarked upon four years of studying fifteen mathematics courses at Berea College.

His religious upbringing in the Plymouth Brethren church may qualify him to have experienced a thing or two about "perfectionism", as well as 150 sessions with two medical doctor psychoanalysts, when he was in his twenties, most of this in San Diego, California, where he attempted to delve into this matter and more. His first analyst was a theatre aficionado who was the exact opposite of himself, and challenged him to see this "issue" for the first time in his life, way back. It was a long haul to come to new perspectives, a journey of many years. He shares his ideas - his musings - in this book.

The book also offers hope, thus, to anyone in a technical area who struggles with "perfectionism" that one can indeed meld together a detail-oriented life along with being relaxed, easy-go-lucky, humorous, smiling, and so on.An achievable matter. Some of our most gifted politicians, ministers, reformers, musicians, and other artists, have found it so.

It ain't over till it's over, right?